Jokes Thread

[HP Sauce]

First-year students at Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a veterinarian: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.'

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation.

I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.'

'Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

[Rathfern_No1]

What did the seagull say before it hit the cliffs?








FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?

[bigdingle]

Whats the first thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits a car windscreen travelling at 80mph ???????????

















ITS ARSE !! :D:D:D

[Pride of the North]

Subject: Fw: Arab Mothers





Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouleh and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.

They start reminiscing.'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though,' mum confides.

'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other.

'And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21.'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'

'He's a martyr too,' says mum quietly.

'Oh, gracious me ....' Says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.He would be 18,' she whispers.

'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school.'

'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

'They blow up so fast, don't they?

[Pride of the North]

Bob , a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat
down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV

The 10:00 PM news was coming on

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob ,
saying, Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM
news and so I knew he would jump.'.......

The blond replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money....

Was this Superfan's chick????

[forrest]

man walks into a golf club sees a blonde standing at the bar and gets talking to her. they hit it off and decide to meet up on the golf course next week.
man tees off from the white sticks
woman tees off from the red sticks
while round the course they enjoyed each others company they decided to go for drinks
they arrange to meet up again the following week.
man tees off white sticks
woman tees off red sticks
they decide to go for drinks and have a bit of dinner
once again after enjoying each others company they arrange to meet up the following week to do the same thing.
man tees off white sticks
woman tees off red sticks
after having drinks and something to eat and enjoying each others company the woman asks the man to take her home
while in the house she tells the man she has something to tell him
the man asks 'what'
the woman replies 'i used to be a man'
the man then replies 'ahh u feckin bitch, and uve been playing off the red sticks all this time!'

[ronaldo stepover]

man walks into a golf club sees a blonde standing at the bar and gets talking to her. they hit it off and decide to meet up on the golf course next week.
man tees off from the white sticks
woman tees off from the red sticks
while round the course they enjoyed each others company they decided to go for drinks
they arrange to meet up again the following week.
man tees off white sticks
woman tees off red sticks
they decide to go for drinks and have a bit of dinner
once again after enjoying each others company they arrange to meet up the following week to do the same thing.
man tees off white sticks
woman tees off red sticks
after having drinks and something to eat and enjoying each others company the woman asks the man to take her home
while in the house she tells the man she has something to tell him
the man asks 'what'
the woman replies 'i used to be a man'
the man then replies 'ahh u feckin bitch, and uve been playing off the red sticks all this time!'

Didnt find this funny sorry.

[Pride of the North]

Leave the funny ones to POTN

[ronaldo stepover]

Leave the funny ones to POTN

lol any more?

[Pride of the North]

Gimme a while:gum: