Jokes

[stb74]

Just went through 6 pages and decided that it best start a new one.

[whinger]

I walked into my local toy shop and asked "Do you have a model of an Italian cruise liner?"
"Yes,we have one in stock Sir" Replied the assistant,

"Can you put it on one side for me?" I asked.

[whinger]

I hear Kodak has gone bankrupt.

Good, I never did much like the bald headed prick.

[whinger]

The police want to interview me.

Strange, I didn't even apply for a job.

[whinger]

R.I.P dense water vapour,

You will always be mist.

[whinger]

Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

[whinger]

My girlfriend came and sat next to me on the sofa with a sad look on her face.

"Cheer up," I said.

"Oh I'm OK," she sighed, "just a bit sad."

"You're fab," I said.

"Thanks," she said.

"You're mine," I said.

"I know silly!" she chuckled.

"I love you," I said.

"Aww!" she gushed, "that's so lovely!"

"Marry me," I said.

She squealed with joy and stood up and started clapping like a seal: "Yes!" she bellowed. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I looked up at her and said, "Yes what?"

"Yes, I will marry you!" she beamed.

"**** off!" I said. "Here, have a Love Heart."

[whinger]

Fifa announce new rule : Any player who passes the ball to Andy Carroll will be immediately booked for time wasting

[whinger]

When the girl i met last night in a club offered to drop her knickers when we were walking home, i thought i had won the lottery....until i seen the first two balls that is.

[shamrockno1]

Billy McNeill was a guest of Craig Whyte's at Ibrox last weekend. In the hospitality lounge after the game, Ally McCoist asked Billy, "How d'you think the current Rangers team would fare against the Lisbon Lions of 1967?" Billy replies, "I think it'd be a close run thing, maybe a draw." Ally walks away feeling very pleased with himself, when Billy shouts across the room, "Mind you, we haven't trained in 30 years!"

[no.7]

Chelsea fans are stupider than I thought . Threatening to trash Howard Webbs car.Everyone knows he travels on the Man U team bus.